Gridlock is when you and your spouse reach a point in your argument where it becomes clear that neither of you are willing to budge in any direction. Some signs are that you have had the same or similar argument over and over again with no resolution, there is no humor, empathy or affection from either side, the issue is becoming more polarizing and compromise seems impossible and feels like you are selling out. The best way to avoid gridlock is to not get to that point in an argument, but what do you do when you get there? Dr. Gottman lays out a pretty good game plan for if you find your self in that situation.
The first step is to figure out where your partner is coming from. This can be very difficult when you are already deeply entrenched in your own side. It is important to remember that there is a reason your spouse is equally entrenched in the other side and that is because they probably feel that their side is deeply meaningful and that is the reason you need to figure out. A good way to do this is both of you take a step back and try and see things from the others side. Try and take the emotion out of it and list out reasons why your spouse would see it from their perspective. Once you can see the argument from the other side it will be easier to reach a compromise because you understand where the other person is coming from.
Hopefully when you are able to resolve or compromise on one gridlocked issue you and your spouse can start to avoid these larger issue by being more attentive to each other’s dreams and goals so that when you do start going down the path to being gridlocked you can turn it around and avoid the marital issues that can come from being so entrenched into your own ideas.
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